I Quit Drinking 8 Years Ago

I quit drinking any alcohol 8 years ago on August 12, 2010. I wasn’t a staggering around “drunk,” but I had an unhealthy relationship with alcohol and it had the potential to get worse. I totally missed my quit day this year. I quit smoking on May 12, 2004 for some of the same reasons.
Not all people who quit drinking are what we call “drunks.” We have a ton of misconceptions around drug and alcohol abuse. But alcohol has a powerful negative effect on the body – worse than any other drug. It ages you, ruins your skin, rots your organs, it is horribly toxic. I never regret stopping and I will never drink another alcoholic drink again. That is the way that worked for me, to say, “I will never drink again. It does NOTHING good for me.” A day at a time gave me too much wiggle room and no one should judge how you quit, if you do. We are all totally different creatures.
Since stopping, I found my creativity, my spirituality and my soul. Life is tough for sensitive people – it is, no lie. Alcohol acts as a film between people and the pain of the world, a temporary balm. But there are better ways to deal with the pain of living that bring great joy, as well.
spectacle 3
If you need help, please reach out. I am always happy to share what works for me.

I am truly shaken by Kelly’s Press Conference

I am not one of those who think that Gen Kelly is some sort of a savior. I know that he had a terrible record at DHS. I know he enabled Trump’s lie about 3 million illegal voters. I know that he “joked” about using a ceremonial sword on the media. I thought he was probably more like Trump than most thought. I have seen this, and know who this man basically is.


But still. I didn’t expect that he was such an aggressive racist, a vicious woman hater, a bigot who was either proud of his bigotry or so ensconsed in it that he doesn’t even understand how his words would sound. I listened to Gen. Kelly’s defense of Trump yesterday. I have to be honest: I haven’t been this upset since we were lied into the Iraq War. There are many reasons for this, and many layers.

First is that Trump didn’t ever know Sgt. Johnson’s name. This was obvious, even the day after he was called on for his horrendous phone call to Mrs. Johnson. He still didn’t mention Johnson’s name, or Mrs. Johnson’s name. That seems to be OK with Kelly.

Then Trump went and attacked a US Congresswoman. Typical Trump. We expect this from the sociopath. And it barely registers anymore, which is upsetting. But then Kelly came in.

When John Kelly, ex-General of the USMC, got up and viciously, forcefully, almost gleefully ripped apart a member of the US Congress, a dear friend of a dead soldier, a mentor, a woman, a black woman, I wanted to throw up. I am still somewhat nauseous. The hatred and vitriol in his voice, calling her an “empty barrel,” (which Lawrence O’Donnell has noted is racist) then calling her “this woman” and refusing to use her name, further dehumanizing her. Lying that she was somehow “spying” on the phone call. Lying about her involvement with a building she was instrumental in naming. Saying she came out back then in “her all that” or something close (I can’t find the quote right now) which I took as his mocking the way she dresses, as though he is the arbiter of women’s dress.

He was “stunned” that Congresswoman Wilson was listening in. Let’s put aside the fact that a 4 star General was stunned at such a normal thing and what that tells us about his experiences in life. Let’s focus on the fact that it is the widow’s choice who to have with her. The mother’s choice. And they chose Congresswoman Wilson. Then he implied that the family just didn’t understand what Trump said, as if the fault lie with the poor, dumb (black) widow, and not the POTUS, who should know better.

There was more that made me sick.

Women used to be “sacred.” Notwithstanding who Kelly works for, and what he has said and done to women, this was proudly and arrogantly stated by Kelly, as though this is something lost. Sacred? Like we should be put up on a pedestal, fragile little flowers, protected by the big strong white men, who kept us out of colleges, out of management positions, at home, pregnant, barefoot. He is such an old white sexist he didn’t even understand how offensive this was. (and I’m older, so I am not being ageist about him.)

Not allowing anyone to ask any questions except those who are Gold Star families or friends. Clearly implying that those in service are superior to those who aren’t. Gold Star families ARE sacred. Except, in Kelly’s view, those who question Trump: Mrs. Johnson. The Khan family. Speaking of the Khan family…

Kelly said that Gold Star families were sacred until the convention last year. The bootlicking media is trying to spin this as though he was talking about Trump taking on the Khan family. I had a different read on it. I felt he meant that the Khan family politicized their son’s death, and they were at fault. Oh, and they are also people of color. Like the Johnsons. So at fault. Coincidence? Not likely.

So many offensive aspects to that screed yesterday. So much to unpack. And then the media reaction. The bootlicking. The discussion of how dignified he was. How “presidential.” As thought white supremacy, bigotry, sexism are desirable traits. The media have fed into this belief that Kelly is somehow this Savior of our Republic. The White Knight — literally White. The brave man who will wrestle Trump to the ground when he tries to burn down the universe. They covered for Kelly, they made him out to be somehow explaining Trump to us in a compassionate and clear way.

No. This man, this General, this vile racist and sexist, got up there, used his own son’s death to shame any opponents of Trump, used his supposed reputation to tear apart a sitting US Congresswoman in a vicious, very aggressive way, a Congresswoman who was just helping her friends and who spoke up for the widow. He used his service to belittle anyone who didn’t serve or doesn’t agree with his vile, sociopathic boss.

I feel helpless. Powerless. I feel that we can’t put Humpty Dumpty back again. That we have no voice, that we are being held hostage by a bully who wants to beat our family members and sexually assault our daughters. Who is enabled by white Generals, and a media in love with the stars on those Generals’ shoulders. I am scared. I am nauseous. I am beside myself.

Trump and Puerto Rico

A full week after Puerto Rico was hit by Hurricane Maria, Donald Trump finally waived the Jones Act, a century old law that protects the American shipping industry. He waived the act quickly for Texas and Florida, and made sure that aid was sent and distributed quickly. Not so for Puerto Rico. Three days ago, patients in a hospital who were on ventilators died because they didn’t have any more fuel for the generator. 45% of Puerto Ricans have no clean water today. Another hospital that had 13 children on ventilators almost ran out of fuel, and thankfully found some in the nick of time, but they are running low again. Where is FEMA? Not distributing goods. Where is the military? Arriving late. Where is Trump?? Tweeting about NFL players who should be fired,  deleting tweets supporting Luther Strange, bragging about the great reviews he has been getting on Puerto Rican assistance and musing, in complete wonder, that Puerto Rico is in the “middle of the ocean.” Why no help for Puerto Rico? Maybe because they didn’t vote for him? And are “brown” people?? As a NYer, this situation has me planning on stocking up on water, food and medicines. If he abandons Puerto Rico in this way, he will abandon every blue state in the same way.

This man is the worst president I have experience in my lifetime. Not only is he incompetent and incurious,  many mental health experts say that he is suffering from narcissistic personality disorder. Many medical doctors believe he is suffering from Alzheimers disease. Just yesterday, he said that his horrendously harmful health care act would pass but a YES vote Senator is in the hospital. No Senator is in the hospital. Making a mistake like that once or twice is understandable, but Trump has walked away from podiums and handshakes without doing what he went there to do. He has contradicted himself within hours. He lies and lies, and maybe doesn’t always know it is a lie?

But his Deplorables put him in office and until it is proven that he was in cahoots with Russia on influencing the election, the Republicans in Congress seem happy to keep him there, even as he destroys their party. And he is destroying their Party. Bannon cheered that they would do what they did in Alabama in all 50 states, vote in a crazy, lunatic, conspiracy theory loving, racist, sexist homophobe for a Senate race. But Alabama, thank goodness, is unique in that it is one of the most backwards, racist states in the country. Imagine Roy Moore in Ohio? PA? Michigan or WI? They can be racists, but they aren’t completely batshit crazy, as many Alabama folks are. Every crazy who wins the GOP slot in the Senate race will give the Dems a good chance to pick up that seat So as they cannibalize themselves, I can’t help but cheer in a way. The GOP has become a party that deserves a clean, swift end. Put a fork in them. They have had total power and have done nothing but try to take away healthcare, ban Muslims, start WWIII with North Korea, enable a nut in the White House, and many, many more acts that will harm our country and our citizens.

Maybe Puerto Rico will be the final straw. Trump’s complete apathy in regard to the fate of US citizens is deplorable, even for him. Or maybe Puerto Ricans will have to relocate and will turn Florida and some other southern states blue. Or maybe the GOP will elect these Moore-like crazies to the Senate, an they will demand that they secede from the Union.

This time, I say let them. Goodbye and good riddance.

A Peaceful Way to #bluexit – must read

Great article on a peaceful way to #bluexit, especially now that the Republicans are about to blow up the Senate to confirm a man from the 1930s for the next 40 years.



What the Right Isn’t Getting

It’s stunning that so many on the right don’t get this – if Rubio won, none of this would be happening. We would be upset, yes, but horrified, frightened, stunned, disgusted?? No.

This isn’t about freedom of speech or points of view. This is an administration that is shipping war veterans who are immigrants back to their native lands. Who talked about killing the children of terrorists, and have already done so in the Yemen raid. Grab women’s genitals?? Fine and dandy with the 63 million rubes who voted for this dictator wannabe. Get rid of the free press. So-called judges?? Fire them, if you can. Separate mothers and babies at the border?? Sure!! Great idea!! Who cares who watches the babies, and if they die?? A first class liar as Press Secretary who has #spicerfacts. A world class liar, Kellyann Goebbels Conway, who has #alternativefacts and #microwaves spying on her boss. A racist as Attorney General. And a man whose campaign communicated “constantly” with Russia during a hacked campaign??

No. This is about survival. Survival of our country. Survival of our neighbors. Maybe even my survival, since I’m a bigmouth dissident. We are not going to go along, listen to their racist, sexist, bigoted hateful ideas, tolerate those views. No. Never. We will defeat this hatred that boiled up, and we will be fearless in doing so. We will march, organize, speak out, protest, yell at our Congressional representatives like Stefanik, who lies to us constantly and refuses to meet with us except in small, controlled groups.

Want to keep our democracy. Then you had better take off the gloves and fight for it.


Trump Advisor Stephen Miller’s quotes from today

Stephen Miller, Trump’s 31 year old Alt-Right white supremacist senior adviser (for what? What are his qualifications, beside being paranoid and hating people of color) hit the talk shows today. He made quite a splash!

From Face the Nation:


And President Trump is going to go to Congress and ask them to invest in our military so once again we will have unquestioned military strength beyond anything anybody can imagine.

Scared yet? I guess 7000 nukes isn’t scary enough.

The end result of this, though, is that our opponents, the media and the whole world will soon see as we begin to take further actions, that the powers of the president to protect our country are very substantial and will not be questioned.

Not question the powers of the President? Seriously? This guy sounds like he is a throwback to the Brown Shirts of Germany.

When asked if they are in control at the White House?

I think to say that we’re in control would be a substantial understatement. The president of the United States has accomplished more in just a few weeks than many presidents accomplish in an entire administration.

Well, Trump has succeeded in making many of us realize he is dangerously mentally ill.

From This Week on ABC:

Stephanopoulus asked what they plan to do:

We can pursue further executive actions. All options are on the table. The point I want to make to you, George, and the point I want to make your listeners is that we have equal branches of government in this country. The judiciary is not supreme.

A district judge in Seattle cannot force the President of the United States to change our laws and our Constitution because of their own personal views. The president has the power, under the INA, section 212(f)[8 U.S.C. 1182], to suspend the entry of aliens when it’s in the national interest.

Actually, the judiciary IS supreme when it comes to deciding on laws.

And the bottom line is the president’s powers, in this area, represent the apex of executive authority. And we have multiple tools across multiple fronts to ensure that we are preventing terrorist infiltration of our country and to ensure that those who enter our country share our values and support our people, something supported overwhelmingly by the vast majority of the American public.

The President is still constrained by law. He can’t decide, “I want to kill everyone named Nancy with blonde hair,” and do so.

It’s estimated that illegal immigration costs our country, state, local and federal benefits, about $100 billion a year.

Stopping new illegal immigration, preventing the affects that will have on our schools, on our hospitals, on our welfare system, on our wage earners, will save taxpayers hundreds of billions of dollars. This wall will pay for itself many, many, many times over.

Completely fact-free.

And this remarkable exchange. Even George S. has had enough of their lies. He practically chased him off the show.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Do you have any evidence?

MILLER: — issue — if this is an issue that interests you, then we can talk about it more in the future. And we now have our government is beginning to get stood up. But we have a Department of Justice and we have more officials.

An issue of voter fraud is something we’re going to be looking at very seriously and very hard.

But the reality is, is that we know for a fact, you have massive numbers of non-citizens registered to vote in this country. Nobody disputes that. (All experts dispute this.) And many, many highly qualified people, like Kris Kobach, the Kansas secretary of state, have looked deeply into this issue and have confirmed it to be true and have put together evidence.

And I suggest you invite Kris Kobach onto your show and he can walk you through some of the evidence of voter fraud —

STEPHANOPOULOS: You have — you have —

MILLER: — in greater detail.

STEPHANOPOULOS: — just for the record, you have provided absolutely no evidence. The president’s made a statement.

MILLER: The White House has provided enormous evidence with respect to voter fraud, with respect to people being registered in more than one state, dead people voting, non-citizens being registered to vote. George, it is a fact and you will not deny it, that there are massive numbers of non-citizens in this country, who are registered to vote. That is a scandal. (Um, no they haven’t provided ANY evidence.)

We should stop the presses. And as a country, we should be aghast about the fact that you have people who have no right to vote in this country, registered to vote, canceling out the franchise of lawful citizens of this country.

That’s the story we should be talking about. And I’m prepared to go on any show, anywhere, anytime, and repeat it and say the President of the United States is correct 100 percent.

STEPHANOPOULOS: Well, you just repeated, though, you just made those declarations. But, for the record, you have provided zero evidence that the president was the victim of massive voter fraud in New Hampshire. You provided zero evidence —

MILLER: Anyone who’s worked —


MILLER: — politics is familiar —

STEPHANOPOULOS: You have provided zero evidence that the president’s claim that he would have won the general — the popular vote if 3 million to 5 million illegal immigrants hadn’t voted, zero evidence for either one of those claims.

MILLER: Well, it’s —

STEPHANOPOULOS: Thanks a lot for joining us this morning.

MILLER: — that non-citizen voting issues, pervasive and widespread, and we are going to protect our country from voter fraud. We’re going to protect our borders from terrorism. And we’re going to protect innocent men, women and children from violent criminal illegal immigrants that need to be removed from this country.

And our country will create jobs, safety, prosperity and security, particularly for disenfranchised working people of every background, faith and ethnicity in this country.

STEPHANOPOULOS: You can start by providing evidence to back up your claims. Thanks for joining us this morning.

MILLER: Thank you.

BAM!! Mic drop!! This is how you handle these liars.


Day 5 Trump Watch – Destabilizing Our Allies

What stood out to me in Trump’s rambling, insane interview last night was that he won’t say he won’t send the Dreamers back. He said “they should be far less worried, but doesn’t say they shouldn’t be worried.

The torture statements have already led Theresa May’s Parliament demanding she tell Trump they do not sanction torture:


A video of Trump saying that we are going after Iraq’s oil and that they are not even a country is going viral in Iraq. It was on Rachel last night and this endangers troops we still have there:


Plus, #fuckingwall is now all over twitter because of what ex-President of Mexico said there is no way Mexico will pay for that #fuckingwall

Good job Trump. Five days in, and he has destabilized our top allies. Heck of a good job, Trumpy.